Tag: Therapy

  • Create your Map

    Create your Map

    by Beth Haley

    If you get stuck or lost as you journey, you most likely don’t want to know where not to go. I mean, you’ve already been there. You probably want step-by-step instructions, or to be led directly to your destination. –Mark Tyrrell

    The City of the Mind is a place that contains cities within cities, within cities: There’s the City of Depression, City of Doubt, City of Fear, City of Regrets, City of Stress, City of Bitterness, City of Loss… the list is as endless as the revolving loops and dead-ends are. One can get lost in these cities, looking for a map that leads to quieter paths and straighter roads, and each city has its own emergency routes back out.


    Less traffic. Less noise. Less lost.

    More…found. What does found feel like? What does it look like for you?


    Even cities that are familiar can seem foreign when you are stressed or traveling through dense fog. It can be difficult to remain centered and calmly plan your route. Strategy and logic? They flew out the window as the fog thickened and the steam engine of your mind jumped through the hidden pot hole. You were looking for the City of Hope, but now you’ve found a sink-hole somewhere else.

    So, where’s the map?


    “How do we know where we are? And, how do we know where we’re going, and how soon we’ll arrive and when we’ve arrived?”

    Mark Tyrrell

    When you’ve found your way out once, you’ll be able to navigate, on your own, much easier the next trip.


    Detour

    I transported a patient and his wife yesterday through a torrential downpour and they got into a discussion on the difference between a pothole and a sinkhole. One said that there was no difference. The other one clearly stated that a pot hole is something you sink into and bounce back out of, and that a sinkhole is something you lose your car in. All gone. Bye.

    …just in case anyone wondered what the difference was between the two. I never really thought about that before. Now I know. 🤪


    Beginning to Create your own Map

    The first Step: Where are you right now?


    Detour

    “Where are you?”

    This is a question I have gotten often while I am traveling. “I’m between the last tree and the next tree,” I answer.

    Mile-marker numbers are always a winner.

    I’m not much help with feedback. But oddly, I’m not lost either. Somehow, it just works. A wing, a prayer, and “Proud Mary” get me there.

    They stopped asking. Where is the fun in that?


    Even though one can spend hours talking about the city that they are currently lost in (depression, fog, situations, disappointments, sadness, fear), what is needed most is:

    Second Step: Now that you know where you are, where do you want to be instead? What is your ultimate destination?

    Third Step: How will you know when you’re leaving that city behind? (I won’t be afraid anymore. So, what will you be, instead of fearful?). How will your thoughts change? How do your emotions change?

    Fourth Step: What signs show you that you are getting close to your destination? (That supermarket on the corner with the big red sign that reads, “City of Hope’s One-Stop Market?”) What do your landmarks look like?

    Fifth Step: How will you know when you’ve arrived? (I know I left that city behind because…) Touchdown!


    Photos by: T.H. Chia and Andrew Neel

    Mark Tyrrell

  • Calm Waters

    Calm Waters

    by Beth Haley

    Every day we encounter situations that we have the opportunity to respond to in a positive and calm way. On the other hand, we can live reactively, by going into anxiety, fear or stress. However, our happiness and health depend a great deal upon how well we can manage our emotional responses, reactions, mental perceptions and beliefs.

    We all know that continuous emotional stress is hard on our bodies. So really, being able to regulate our emotions and develop self-coping/soothing practices may very well save our life. Developing the ability to walk through our everyday circumstances in a calm and clear-headed manner, can get us farther than fighting battles we don’t need to fight, or by running when we need to calmly stand.

    Imagine that you are connected to the most sophisticated and sensitive machine (like a polygraph) ever made. It measures your feelings of stress, anxiety, or fear. If you feel even the slightest bit of these emotions while you are hooked up to this machine, it will deliver a shock which will end your life.

    The thing is, if you make it through the test, you win a million dollars. So with this in mind (death or a substantial prize), imagine that you are hooked up to this machine and your test is about to begin. Your directions are as follows: Imagine a situation in your life that brought/brings you anxiety, fear, or stress. If you can stay completely calm and relaxed, you will win the prize. If not… ZING!

    The next time you’re about to jump on the “Anxiety, Fear, and Stress Express,” remind yourself of the choice between the zing or the prize. It’s not just an interesting exercise. It is the training and retraining of our minds.

    We don’t actually need the “fight or flight” response all that often. Maybe if you’re being chased by a bear? Were you chased by a bear today? Some of us are so used to living with stressed-out emotions, we don’t even know how to let ourselves be calm, at ease, grounded, centered and at peace. Let alone shut it all down to even rest.


    Hooked on adrenaline and stress much?


    The choice is ours. Will we have an internal forecast of calm today ? Or, “fight or flight?”

    My choice today is to win the cash prize of self-possessed calm, and avoid the zing of the machine.

    What does stress solve? Zing! What does anxiety fix? Zing! What does fear prevent? Zing!

    Breathe! The chances are really, really good that you are not currently being chased by a bear – and that whatever you are facing, will be easiest to handle with a calm and clear mind.


    Sources: The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety -Forsyth and Eifert

    Photos by Faye Cornish and Harli Martin