by Beth Haley
Imagine that you’re on a date, and your date showers you with their description of everything you are to them:
“You love the color pink, and we both love white wine! You are always so patient and just adore bungee jumping. Based on all these things, that you are, I see us happy forever!
I look around. There’s no one else there.
Me: Who are you talking about?”
Them: “Well… you.”
Me: “I don’t even like pink.”
Them: “Oh, yes you do! I’m sure of it.”
Me: “I’ve never bungee jumped. Never will.”
Them: “But, I know you, and you’ll love it.”
Me: “No. I won’t.”
Me: “I don’t like white wine.”
Them: “Sure you do! You just haven’t tried it with salmon yet.”
Me: “I don’t like salmon.”
Them: “Well… sure you do. You just haven’t eaten salmon from the other restaurant.”
Me: “I’m not patient. Patience is something I am working toward. Today however, patience has escaped me completely.”
Them: “Naw, you’re the most patient person I know! We’re a match made in heaven!”
Seeing someone through the lens of what you want them to be, rather than who they actually are, isn’t love. It’s called an “overlay.”
Seeing a fantasy instead of reality, is dangerous to our well-being because we see what we want to see, rather than what is really there. If what is really there, is a cliff with a 100-foot drop off the ledge, then it’s a really bad time to see a rose-covered bridge.
Knowing and seeing reality gives you the correct information, to make the choices that are right for you.